I haven’t written on here in a while.

So, I have about 1.5 months left of high school. I’m starting to feel that nostalgic sadness that I expected, but I never thought I’d be so… relieved to be leaving all of this, to move on to bigger and better things. (Of course, “Sorry-Grateful” starts playing in my head.)

My life without theatre is sort of empty and boring. THIS MUST BE RECTIFIED.

I’m following all kinds of Homestuck blogs, now. Pretty much completely obsessed, then.

I’m going to Japan in 2 days. aadsglajkgka;hdDLJFHSvd

I’m actually really happy with the omiyage I’m bringing, though, so all is well.

I just started on a new antibiotic for my acne, and the dermatologist warned me that I’d get miserable stomachaches if I didn’t take it with food and water. I now have stomach pain, but I’m not sure if it’s from the pill, or from the nervousness I felt from taking it. #firstworldproblems

I need to stop lying to myself so easily about everything. Easier said than done, but I’ll be much healthier for it.

I was in a hotel that I’d dreamed about before, but had never been to in real life. There was a Cherubs reunion that I was going to, and I was really excited. The reunion was being held in the basement? bottom floor? and I walked down a ramp to go there. There was an arcade at the first landing of this ramp thing, and I went in there mistakenly before realizing the reunion wasn’t there. Then I’m on the bottom floor, and I see all the Cherubs, and I bound over to them and leap into their arms, one after the other, and I’m so extatic. But then I wake up from this day-dream-within-a-dream and I realize that only a couple of people showed up, and I’m pretty bummed out.

It’s raining buckets outside, but me and three other friends, some of which I recognize not to be Cherubs, decide to run through the rain to get to a Japanese restaurant, even though Celeste Aguirre doesn’t want to go (I convince her to go by telling her that there’s a tree ahead under which we can take shelter, but it turns out that that tree doesn’t really shield us from the rain). When I wake up, I’ve realized that no one in any part of the dream was actually a Cherub; everyone was one of my Northside friends and/or classmates (including Celeste, and the Daniels Hautzinger and Swanson-Nystrom). I can’t help but feel a little wistful at that.

This is one of the first dreams I’ve had in a long time where I really clearly remember what happened in it.

Hmm.

Kenzaburo Ōe has the most incredibly sparse writing style - very evocative of Haruki Murakami. I don’t know what it is - it isn’t frustratingly vague, nor is it particularly minimalistic or fluffy - but there is a lightness, a gentle grace to the syntactical movement of “Aghwee the Sky Monster”.

I’ve also gained a new appreciation for See What I Wanna See, even in light of The Wild Party and Marie Christine. It’s absolutely one of LaChiusa’s most consistently intriguing scores, even if it doesn’t reach the peaks of musical inventiveness or tunefulness that either of his earlier musicals hit (especially so with The Wild Party; them are some hummable tunes. Of course, “My Best Friend” starts playing in my head.).

On a completely separate note:

As it turns out, he doesn’t reciprocate my feelings, and I had made him uncomfortable by unintentionally planting the seeds of rumor. He wasn’t too upset, though, and thanks to the timely intervention of a friend, neither was I. It is more than a bit disappointing, though.

We open Pirates a week from today. I’m still a bit shell-shocked.

He said, and I quote: “I love you, and I think you’re purdy [sic] cute.”

How can a sentence like that be so exhilarating and terrifying at once?

I don’t know if I want to get into anything serious with him with so little time left at Northside. I don’t want to hurt him by going off to Brandeis and leaving him hanging in an awkward long-distance relationship.

At the same time, I don’t want to hurt him, and that counts for something. I treasure him, and yet I’ve talked to him, what, twice in person? I am such a goddamn confused mess.

I need someone to talk myself out to right now.

I forgot how much I fell in love with Rufus Wainwright this summer via movement exercises during Water Engine rehearsal, but GODDAMN that man makes beautiful music.

I feel like I’m becoming a seasonal hibernator at exactly the wrong time - I need to sleep more and more lately, and I’m feeling more and more tired the more I stick to my regular sleep schedule. At the same time, musical rehearsals are getting longer and longer. I am, as the saying goes, between a rock and a hard place.

I’ve been trying get back into writing as of late. It’s difficult. I’ll probably post bits and pieces of stuff floating around my head today.

Ben Lewin is probably coming to Chicago for Pirates of Penzance, and I could not be more excited. Also, seeing his face -  talking face-to-facefor the first time in too f***ing long -all via Skype, was a wonder.

Speaking of, it’s a little more than 2 weeks to showtime. HOLY SHIT.

Today was a lot better.

I’m still behind in Japanese, and I got my assignment for Digital Imaging wrong, but today was actually pretty okay. The Human Geo test went well, I postponed the Japanese and World Lit. tests to Tuesday, rehearsal is going pretty darn well so far, and I was able to talk about what happened the night before last without feeling that deep sadness that I expected it to trigger in me.

My mind is on much more mundane things now. The fact that I’m enjoying bringing salad for lunch for the first time in a while. Wanting to spend more time with Nick. Obsessing over the musical. Discovering new music.

I’m going to make every effort to stay happy this weekend.